


Snippets Of My Life, By Ryan Stiles

by Greenfrogger



Series: Greefrogger's Brad and Ryan stories [8]
Category: Whose Line Is It Anyway? RPF
Genre: Breast Cancer Death, Cancer Death, F/M, M/M, Straight and Gay Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-02 14:36:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20277496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greenfrogger/pseuds/Greenfrogger
Summary: This is a multi chapter story of Ryan's life from his point of view.I made this story multi chapter because it was easier to follow the timeline as I jump from present, back to 18 months to back six months ago, and then start at the present and go on into the future.I marked major character death because in this story I felt that both Pat Stiles and Seana Sherwood are important characters in this story.In honor of my birthday (8/27), I present this story to the masses.  LOL!What if Ryan said something during Pat's viewing years ago that would make Brad not want to tell him what's wrong.





	1. Pat's Viewing

**Author's Note:**

> The Stiles kids are all adults in this story.
> 
> Brad is living with Stiles and it will be explained in Chapter 2 and 3.

When Pat and I started our relationship years earlier I would have put my life on the line that I would die years, if not decades before her. Unfortunately, life throws you through hoops you’d never thought you would go through; or even be able to handle, but here I am sitting in a room with her body in a beautiful casket waiting for people to come and pay their final respects to her. 

Emotionally, I’m numb. I’ve been numb for the last couple of months since Pat’s diagnosis of breast cancer. The doctors had assured Pat and I that it had been caught in time for her to live a ripe old age, but something nag at me that they didn’t. I hated that I was right. She had one chemotherapy treatment, came home and slept for an hour. She violently woke up to feeling nauseous and when she was able to let go of her stomach contents, it wasn’t just that, it was also blood. Brad calmly drove us to the emergency room. They ran several test which all came back with the answer that the cancer had spread and there wasn’t any hope for a recovery. Hospice care came in and talked to all of us, Pat, me, the kids and Brad who was our rock in all of this and came up with a plan of action. Her demise went faster than anyone expected and within six weeks she was gone.

During Pat’s illness I rarely slept. If I did, it was by exhaustion only. I wanted to be there for her, for whatever time she had left. By the time she passed, I was in an emotional state of void. I hadn’t shown any type of emotion from the moment of being told of her grim diagnosis. During her viewing, everything that I had suppressing emotionally, bubbled up to the surface. Myself, Brad, Colin, Chip, Greg, Jeff, Wayne and my oldest two kids along with their significant others (Clare was at university taking her last final exam for the semester) were sitting in the viewing room when I suddenly blurted out, “I can’t handle watching someone that I love go through what Pat had to suffer through. And for what? She’s dead.” Then I repeated, “It’s not fair” over and over again, pounding my fists as hard as I could on my knees a few times until Brad was able to stop me, pull me into a bear hug, squeezing me as tight as he could. Finally I was able to let the stoic emotional void dam break. Only Brad understood at that moment what I was feeling and I was thankful he was there to guide me through it. Although, as I would learn approximately five years later, people remember what you say. Thankfully, when push came to shove, we were able to move past that and be there for each other until we were old and gray.


	2. Seana's End Is Near

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This starts off six months prior to Chapter 1 - when Brad's wife Seana dies within a month of getting a terminal diagnosis of breast cancer that she had been fighting for 18 months. 
> 
> This chapter explains how the Stiles and Sherwoods became best friends and a small snippet into Brad's and Ryan's life. Then it jumps to Seana's last month of life and how Seana prepares for death and how Brad handles it with the help of Pat and Ryan.

Six months prior to Pat’s funeral 

After an 18 month battle, Brad’s love Seana, succumb to her cancer battle. The three of us, Pat, myself and Brad, were sitting in the viewing room at a funeral home in Los Angeles supporting Brad.

When we filmed in England, Pat would fly with me and Seana would accompanied Brad. While we were busy filming, the ladies would sight see and shop, which ultimately led to a wonderful friendship and therefore, led to mine and Brad’s close friendship. As the years progressed, Seana and Brad would come to Bellingham quite regularly and hang with us since it was hard for us to travel because of the kids and it was a chance for them to get away from the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles. While the women would do their thing, Brad and I made it a point to take the boat out and go fishing. In reality we mostly talked about stuff we couldn’t tell our wives but we did have lines in the water. 

One time I was talking to Brad about how frustrated I was that Sam was struggling in school. I happened to look up at Brad, who usually was very talkative during our times on the boat, but this time had a furlong expression on his face. I stopped what I was yakking about and asked what was wrong. Tears formed in his eyes. He apologized and told me that he had wanted one kid but Seana didn’t. We had all known her medical struggles. “I would never ask her to carry a pregnancy because I’m not sure that I could emotionally handle her miscarrying and I knew that it wasn’t fair to her to even ask her to get pregnant. But I did ask about adopting a girl. She screamed at me for even daring to ask.” I didn’t know what to tell him. I sat next to him and held him while he cried. 

After a few moments he stopped and apologized. “No need to apologize for crying,” I told Brad. “Sometimes we have to grieve for the ideas and dreams lost.”  
~*~

~*~  
As I mentioned, the only times we’d see each other outside of work was when the girls wanted to get together and it was never in Los Angeles. Brad or I never made arrangements so I know it was going to be bad news when Brad called me and through tears begged me to come to Los Angeles. Seana had an appointment earlier in the day and with Brad calling I immediately knew that the appointment didn’t go well. All four of us had suspected that the news would be grim and grim it was. Brad called me in tears telling me that Seana’s cancer was terminal. 

Meanwhile, Seana called Pat, telling her that she was worried about Brad and how he was dealing with the news, and would we mind coming down and staying with them for a while. It was a no brainer. There was nothing keeping us home so we immediately flew to Los Angeles to be with Brad and Seana.

When we arrived, Seana answered the door and told us that Brad had just fallen asleep, further explaining that he had been up for the last 36 hours or so. Seana and Pat hugged one another while I quietly shut their door. Pat said quietly, “I’m so sorry Seana. I don’t know what to exactly say to you because obviously I can’t make it better.”

“It sucks, it does but what can I do about it. Just try to make the rest of my days the best ever.”

“Listen you,” she speaks calmly at me, “He’s going to need you now more than ever.” I knew what she meant - the only family that Brad had was Seana. Her parents and his parents and step parents were deceased. He did have some step and half siblings, mostly on his dad side, but wasn’t close to them. “I need you to keep an eye on him, be there for him when needed.” She paused. “Ryan, you’re his best friend. The only person in the world he’s ever told secrets to that he couldn’t tell me.”

For obvious reasons we didn’t book a return flight home. We expected to stay in Los Angeles until Seana passed and I was hoping it would have been longer than it was. That weekend ended up being her last good weekend with enough energy to get up, dressed and out of the house. Not knowing what the future would entail we made the best of it, trying to forget as much as possible what Seana’s reality was. The end for Seana would come very quickly, less than a month and I’m grateful that while it was quick, she didn’t suffer horrible amounts of pain.

Sunday evening, once Brad fell asleep, Seana told us about how she wanted her life to end. It was odd how calm she was about it. She was so calm that it freaked me out a bit. She explained that for Brad’s sake, she didn’t want to die at home. She wanted their home to be a safe haven for Brad. She felt that if she died in their bed he would never get pass that and wouldn’t be able to move on with his life. Seana asked me to get Brad out of the house tomorrow so that she and Pat could talk to Hospice and explain how she wanted to die. I took Brad fishing. I’m sure he knew that Seana was doing something that he wasn’t ready to hear so he easily accepted the invite and went with me. I get why Brad wasn’t his bubbly self while we waited for the fish to bite. Not that I was expecting him to but the quiet was deafening. 

An hour or so into our trip he suddenly spoke, “Can I be angry?”

“Angry?” Not sure if I heard him correctly?

“Yeah!” He spoke trying unsuccessfully to keep it together.

“You can’t deny what you’re feeling. I think you have every right to be angry.”

“It just sucks that everything that I have ever wanted has been taken away from me. I get it people die but I’m not even 50 yet and I have lost all my parents and now I’m losing my wife. So much for the Golden Years, eh?”

I left it that. What could I say to the man? There wasn’t anything I could say or do to make Seana’s diagnosis any different. She was going to die and it was something that unfortunately was a fact of life. 

I would remember this day and conversation because at the time I thought how could I live without Pat? I wouldn’t know what to feel or do if Pat was in Seana’s position. Little did I know that six months later I would be in that position. The answer to that question is that you keep going. Yes, you take the time to grieve but you need to keep moving on. As difficult and cold hearted it may sound that’s how I handled both Seana’s and Pat’s deaths.


	3. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter divulges into the last day of Seana's life, how Brad handles her death and how he arrives at the decision to move in with the Stiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used my own mother's death from cancer in a hospital as a basis of what happens when someone dies peacefully.
> 
> The rest, beginning with Brad's whispering in her ear and his reaction after her death is not something I have witnessed personally. I just would like to think that there are couples who are so in love that now that one is alone in the world is overwhelming and hope that there are friends and families that they can rely on to get through life.
> 
> My own father than passed away from cancer three years later but I think that cancer covered up the fact that he died from broken heart.

Less than a month after she was given her grim diagnosis, Seana was gone. It sucked; but she went quickly, which I was grateful for. Yes, I know it sounds horribly to wish death upon someone but I didn’t want Seana in any more pain. In the end it’s a lose - lose situation. It was a Tuesday evening when Seana passed. It started super early at around 2:00 in the morning when Seana told Brad she couldn’t handle the pain anymore and that she needed to go to the hospital. Them, Pat and I, with me behind the wheel, went to the hospital. I don’t think any of us were expecting her to pass so quickly.

I didn’t know what the best way was to support Brad and Seana during this part of the journey. I couldn’t sit still; bouncing my right leg because I didn’t know what to do. As hard as it was to witness this sad moment, a life coming to an end, we had assured and promised Seana we’d be there to support Brad. He would need us to lean on once Seana passed since he wouldn’t have any family support once she was gone. Our kids, who were now all adults, fully supported our idea to bring Brad home with us to Washington if he agreed. He and Seana were always considered family.

Around 2:30 p.m. Seana fell asleep, giving a kiss to Brad and telling him that she loved him. I didn’t know at the time that would be the last words she would say or the last conscious moments she would have. Around 8:30 that evening a nurse came in and recorded Seana’s vitals. As she was walking out, she tapped me on the shoulder indicating to me to follow her. Pat mouthed the word “go” to me as she got up to console Brad who we both thought was oblivious to everything going on around him except for the love his life laying lifeless in bed. Both Pat and I knew where this conversation was going and as much as I didn’t want to hear it, I also was glad that she wouldn’t be in pain too much longer. 

As expected, the nurse told me that Seana’s vitals were beginning to decrease. In other words, the end was near. I wasn’t sure if I should say something to Brad or not. As I walked back into the room, the decision was taken away from me.

“The end is near, isn’t it?” Brad asked without taking his eyes off of Seana.”

I wished I could have lied and said no but I couldn’t cheat death. “Yeah, Brad, it is.,” witnessing silent tears falling from his eyes. 

Nothing Pat or I could do to make Brad feel better. The only thing we could do was be there for him. During next ninety minutes Pat and I took turns standing with him, rubbing his back or placing a hand on him so he knew he wasn’t alone, until she passed.

10:01 p.m.: Time of death. Brad had gotten into bed with her a few minutes before, whispering in Seana’s ear. Telling her that it was alright to let go and that he loved her to the moon and back. Seana passed peacefully in Brad’s arms. Once she passed, Brad couldn’t hold it in anymore. He was crying so hard that he couldn’t breathe easily. Then he said he was going to get sick and I was able to get him off the bed and into the bathroom where he got sick in the toilet. Once finished, I led him back to the bench that Pat and I had been sitting on and hugged him until he could regain his composure.

A few minutes afterwards, a nurse came in and told us we were able to stay as long as needed but Brad surprising states that he wanted to leave.

“Brad, we don’t…” I started to say.

“No. I’ve got to get the fuck out of here.”

“Okay.” I proceed to let go of him when he tells me, “Just don’t let go of me.”

I get up, amd with a firm grip on him, help him up. I see that Pat is talking to that nurse, which I assume assures Pat that they will contact the funeral home. Once steady on his feet with my help, the three of us start our journey back to the car to go home. I’m sure he was running on adrenalin before and now he was completely spent. Think of someone who was so drunk they had a hard time putting one foot in front of the other and that’s how Brad was walking. He was exhausted both physically and emotionally. I encourage him to sit a couple of times but he was super determined to get the fuck out of the hospital so he could grieve in private.

It takes a bit but we get to the parking garage. I sit Brad down on the bench, planning to get the car but he wouldn’t let of me. Calmly, Pat said, “Give me the keys, I’ll get the car while you stay with Brad.”

Once Pat was out of ear shot, “I’m sorry, Ryan,” Brad speaks slowly and quietly once Pat’s out of ear shot, “I’m afraid of really losing it and I don’t want Pat to witness me having a crying fit.”

“It’s okay,” I tell him. Not really knowing what else I can do but be a physical presence for him. Pat arrives with the car and I help Brad get in the back seat with me following him in. As Pat drives away from the hospital, Brad lays into me and promptly falls asleep.

Seana left specific instructions about how she wanted her viewing and funeral to happen. She wanted both the viewing and funeral to happen the same day. Seana felt that it would hurt Brad more by stretching it longer than it needed to be. I think he was relieved as well when Pat calmly show him the letter Seana had written out, which explained her wishes, which included what casket she wanted, flowers and everything else.

During all this Brad didn’t let me get to far away from him. Normally, Brad didn’t mind the attention from everyone. He usually did anything that people would request but he was in a deep sense of mourning. He kept me at arms length just to make sure what was happening, meaning Seana’s death, was real and not go apeshit on someone just because they said they were sorry that Seana had passed. The day after the funeral Pat sat Brad down, crouch in front of him, grabbed his hands and explained that Seana had left him a letter in her care to give to him after she passed. It was important that he read it and do what it says because Seana wanted Brad to continue living and not mourn for her forever. It told him that it was okay to move on. That if he wanted to sell the house and move somewhere than do it. It was okay to fall in love again and get married. It’s also okay to not fall in love again as well. It’s okay to mourn but he had to keep on going in life. 

Both Pat and I watched the conflicting emotions in his face. On one hand he knew in his heart he had to keep on living but he missed her terribly. While I was his friend, Pat was more of a mother figure to him. Once he was finished reading the letter, Pat told him calmly, “The door is always open for you at our house. You’re welcome to come for a visit or move in. Ryan and I love you and anything we can do for you, you just ask. Seana told me that she wants you to move on. I’m sure that it’s going to be difficult to take that first step but know that Ryan and I will be right there with you. Don’t ever think you’re disappointing her because you’re doing something without her, okay?” 

All Brad could do was nod. Knowing he was on the verge of tears, Pat got up from her crouching position, sat next to him on the couch and held onto him for dear life while he cried harder than he had since her death. He felt horrible for getting snot and drool all over her but she wouldn’t have it. “Brad, it’s okay. You’ve got to get it out. It’s the only way to grieve. Remember, the door is always open; no matter what time of day it is,” she said and then kissed him on the forehead.

The next morning Brad had told us that he wanted to move to Washington with us. He thought about it and he just didn’t want to be alone. It was that simple. While there would be tears along this journey he knew that he’d be miserable being alone. Pat then flew back home to get our house ready, making the basement into his own apartment while he and I stayed in Los Angeles to pack up and sell the house. Within a month the house was sold and Brad and I made the trip back to Washington with all his possessions in tow.


	4. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan is thinking back, five years ago to Pat’s illness, death, visitation, and funeral how much Brad helped not only him, but his family to get through everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short, I know, but think of it as a preamble for the next chapter.
> 
> I was afraid people would get a bit confused if I left it with next chapter.

The night before the viewing begins for Pat, Brad and I are sitting outside in the backyard enjoying some alcohol and cigars. We’re just bullshitting about stuff, anything we can think of in order for the conversation not to stop. Quietness is deafening. During the conversation Brad mentions that he didn’t recall much of the time between Seana’s diagnosis as terminal to the moment Pat handed him the letter. “That moment the doctor said she was terminal until Pat handed me that letter I barely remember anything.” 

Brad paused for a moment.

“You know everything felt rushed but then again I’m relieved because I don’t believe I could have handled much more.”

Brad was right, as I look back on it years later. I don’t recall a lot from the moment that Pat was diagnosis with her cancer to the funeral. But Brad and everyone else remembered what I said during the visitation. It took Colin to call me to explain why Brad was suddenly acting secretive around me five years after Pat had died. I’m glad he did because there’s no where else I’d rather be then supporting him when he needed it the most.

Shit, he was there for my family when we needed him. When Pat was diagnosis with breast cancer he was able to shed some light on the questions we all had. No one in our close circle of friends, with the exception of Brad, had experienced a spouse being sick, let alone die from what should have been a treatable disease. As the news became grim, I was able to talk to Brad and he was able to give me some sort of insight about what was going on as horrible as the news was. I was so thankful he was there with me when Pat died and ever so grateful that he was able to help me get through it all including making funeral arrangements.


	5. Learning the Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five years after Pat's death when Brad has a health crisis and he's afraid to tell Ryan. Ryan, tired of being blown off by Brad contacts Colin to learn the real truth.

Five years after Seana and Pat’s death~*~

During the past five years I have become a grandfather three times with Mackenzie giving birth to a daughter named Patricia and her son Bradley Ryan nicknamed Bry. Sam’s wife gave birth to a daughter who is named Tricia. Clare still lives at home, which would end up being a blessing in disguise. Brad’s personality is the same in real life as it is on Whose Line. Usually happy go-lucky, with no cares in the world. Until last week. Now Brad has become secretive. When I ask how things are going he’ll tell me fine and then go to his room in the basement. I was totally in the dark as to why. I tried to encourage him to talk to me but he became very stubborn and refuse. I couldn’t think for the life of me what he was so upset about.

After a few days of not being able to find out any information from Brad, I called his touring partner Colin. 

“Ryan,” Colin said unsure if he should tell me or not.

“What’s going with Brad? Obviously you know, so spill it.”

“I encouraged him to tell you what was going on but he said he didn’t want you to be stressed out over it.”

“Colin,” I grumbled out.

“I encouraged him to tell you because I know you and him are best friends and what you said at Pat’s funeral watching someone suffer from cancer again was just your frustrations coming out….”

“Wait, Brad’s sick? Cancer?” I was shocked.

“Yeah. He has prostate cancer. He’s afraid you’re going to flip out and lose his best friend.”

I was stunned into silence. Colin continued.

“I tried to tell him that you were grief stricken by watching Seana's and then Pat’s decline.”

It was then I recalled what I said at Pat’s viewing and understood why Brad was hesitant to mention anything about him being sick with prostate cancer. I wanted to cry that I made Brad scared about telling me that he was ill, but I quickly regained my composure to promise Colin that I would be there for Brad every step of the way. We soon ended the call and I decided to make a wrong, right.  
After ending the call with Colin, I made a beeline for Brad’s room in the basement and calmly knocked on the bedroom door. There wasn’t an answer so I quietly opened the door and walked in. I’m not sure if Brad overheard the phone conversation that I had with Colin or what, because when I approached him laying on the bed he wasn’t asleep, just staring into space but I did notice the trail of tears that ran down his face. It was important for him to know I said those words years ago because I was in a lot of pain, losing the most important woman in my life. But now it was five years later, I’ve had time to heal and was ready to support Brad and his cancer journey in any way he needed.  
I sat on his bed, turned to him, and opened my arms. Brad quickly sat up and bear hugged me back, allowing the tears and fears that he had hidden come through. No words were needed. I let him know I knew that he had prostate cancer and assured him I’d be there for him, no matter what the situation was. I held him and caressed him, allowing him to get his emotions out. He cried himself to sleep. I gently moved him, tucking him into bed. I quietly left the room and locked the house up and returned to snuggle with him as we napped.  
Once awake we discus what he needed from me. He laid on top of me with his ear on my chest, hearing my heartbeat, bear hugging me. 

“I’m scared,” he quietly spoke.

I kissed him gently on the side of his face, rub my hand up and down his body; trying to give him some comfort.

After a few minutes of silence, I see silent tears falling from his eyes. Again I try to assure him, “I’ll be there by your side at every moment.” I pause for a moment and state, “Whether you want me to or not.”

That got a big smile from him. I gave him a tighter hug and another kiss on the cheek and the two of us relax in bed for the rest of the day. 

That Monday would be Brad’s first chemotherapy treatment


	6. Treatment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Brad react to chemotherapy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not know how chemotherapy works. My mom was to far gone for chemotherapy to work and my husband drove my dad back and forth to treatments. I wrote it with the thought of having Ryan give Brad the emotional support he needs.

The first day of treatment is easily to see that Brad is nervous. The staff are trying to ask Brad simple questions but he’s so far internally in thought that he’s not hearing anyone. I grab and gently squeeze his hand and softly repeat the question they asked him. He looked up at me. I realize that he’s so scared that he couldn’t formulate an answer. I then squeezed my other hand over our interlocked hands, and answer the staff questions on his behalf.

After answering questions, we are led to one of five treatment rooms. They have some magazines, a television a recliner and various number of chairs. I guide Brad to the recliner, get him to sit, and let go of is hand so the nurse can get him prep for the treatment. Brad, although physically in the room, emotionally he’s somewhere else, which at this moment is a good thing. I take a step back and sit in the chair closest to him to watch him as the nurse does his job. I silently pray to myself for Brad to keep his shit together enough until the nurse leaves. Once finished with the prep, he realizes that it’s better to tell me than Brad and quickly explains what the process is and leaves.

Brad hears the door click shut and suddenly he’s violently returned to reality. He sees the IV in his vein and tries to pull it out. I calmly put my hand over it and grab his arm so he can’t remove it. He’s trying with all his mite to move my hand and I firmly tell him the word, “Stop!”

He looks at me, not knowing really what’s going on. I quietly, but still firmly tell him, “You’re okay. I’m right here and I won’t let anything happen to you.” I then tell hm to stand up as I remove my hand. Once he’s standing, I then sit in the recliner and tell him to sit in my lap, which thankfully he does. Once settled I tell him, “Just breathe in time with me,” quietly. I lazily rub his back and rock the recliner at a slow steady pace. He eventually calm down and dozed off. 

Throughout his treatment, this was the only way he could get through it - with some type of physical attachment to me. I sent a text to Clare and told her to be here to pick us up. And fortunately she answered quickly with a simple “Be there.”

The odds were excellent for him to beat the cancer since it was caught early. Unfortunately the side effects from the treatment reared it’s ugly head. On days he had a treatment, Clare would drive us to the center. Brad struggled to keep it together during the treatment, then Clare would drive us home. I would put Brad to bed for a couple of hours and then he would be sick for the next 36 hours or so, only being able to eat ramen noodles and drinking Mountain Dew because as he said it tasted as good going down and it did back


	7. Clare, Our Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the title states, this chapter focuses on Clare and how she helps.

Clare was our quiet savior. She kept the house together so I could focus on Brad. She set up automatic bill payment; got medications when needed; either had groceries sent to the house or made quite a few runs in the middle of the night to our local 24 hour grocery store. She even offered to stay with Brad if I needed a break but at first Brad wasn’t too keen on that. 

One night, about a month into his therapy, Brad woke up, sat up and threw up all over his bed. He called for me but it was Clare that woke up and went to help Brad out. 

She knocked on his door and all she could hear was him crying.

Calmly and quietly she open the door, walked in and said, “Hey, it’s going to be okay. Let me get you cleaned up and then I’ll change the bed sheet and have you back to sleep in no time.”

At this point Brad didn’t care who helped him. He was so exhausted and didn’t feel well he just didn’t give a damn. She quickly changed him, stripped the bedding, put fresh bedding down, got him back to bed and put the dirty bedding in the washer. Once that was started she felt compelled to go and check on him. She grabbed a bowl so if he didn’t make it to the bathroom he had something to throw up in. 

Knocking on the door, she paused and then entered Brad’s room.

“Brad?” I brought you a bowl in case you don’t make it to the bathroom,” she said as she gave it to him.  
“Thanks.”

“No problem.” She thought that Brad wanted some company, “Would you like some company?”

“You wouldn’t mind?”

“No, of course not!” Do you want stay in here or go….”

“Can we go outside? I’m feeling a bit claustrophobic.” 

“Sure. But let’s get you in some warmer clothes. I know how easily you get cold. They smelled at each other. Even though Clare had dressed him warmly she grabbed a warm blanket for him as they walked out the house and to the backyard lounge area.

That’s where I found the two of them the next morning, snuggled together in the oversized lounger. I tried to sneak out there but inadvertently I woke Clare up.

“Hey,” she whispered. “He literally sat up and got sick in the middle of the night. I heard him so I got him cleaned up and changed. Threw everything in the washer and then grabbed bowl to take to his room so he could have it in case he couldn’t make it to the bathroom. I then asked him if he wanted company and he said yes and that he wanted to go outside so I put another layer of warmer clothes on him, brought out a blanket with us. When we got here I wrapped him like a burrito in the blanket, sat down together. Once he sat and was comfortable, he put his head on my shoulder and fell asleep. I must’ve fallen asleep rather quickly too.

“Do you want to switch positions?” I asked her.

“If you don’t mind. I have to use the restroom. I can come back out if you….”

“No, if you don’t mind, I would like to hold him for a bit. I think this is the most he’s slept since his diagnosis.

Carefully we jockeyed position so that Brad’s sleep wasn’t interrupted.

“I think the fresh air helped,” Clare stated and went inside.

Brad slept for another couple of hours. He was a bit confused when he woke up, now in my arms. “I don’t remember falling asleep out here,” he said quietly. 

“Do you remember you and Clare coming out here?”

“Yeah, I do. I just don’t remember consciously going to sleep.”

I laugh quietly. “That’s okay. This is the longest you have slept since being sick.”

“I feel like I could go back to sleep.”

“I’ve got nothing better to do today. Go ahead.” I was shocked because in a matter of minutes he was peacefully sleeping. So, once he was peacefully sleeping, I closed my eyes and fell asleep as well.


	8. Clare's Plan In Motion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clare gets her father to open up about how he feels about Brad.

During the chemotherapy treatments it seemed as Brad’s personality changed. Nothing bad but what used to be important to him wasn’t so much anymore. When he was first diagnosis, Brad was focused on getting through the treatments and then heading back on the road with Colin. As the treatments progressed he watched a lot of television and realized there were places throughout the world that he wanted to see before he died and that became more important to him. Just before the last treatment, as Brad napped, as he did every afternoon, Clare and I sat outside talking.

“Dad, Brad has realized that he’s not invisible and he wants to see the world but on his time schedule, not dictated by a tour. You and him should go see the world.”

“Clare, you know I’m terrified….”

“Fears? Dad come on. Brad has been through so much and he loves you so….,” I interrupted Clare.

“What?”

“Brad loves you. When I was younger and didn’t exactly know what field I should play, Mom and I talked. She said it was okay to explore both men and women. That’s when she told me that you had been interested in both as well. She regretted the she and you never got to do it with another guy or she didn’t let you play for the other side. She always wanted you to explore who you were but she was afraid that you wouldn’t come back home to her until years later. She was afraid to mention it again in your later years because she wasn’t sure how you felt.”

I had no clue that my daughter knew so much about my younger days. But how did she know that Brad was interested?”

“How are you so sure about Brad?”

“Remember the time you found us sleeping outside?”

“Yeah.”

“Brad wanted to open up to someone, besides you. He was afraid if he told you his true feelings that your feelings would change. He then proceeded to express how attractive he was to you since the beginning of Whose Line run in England but you had already hooked up with mom and as much as he wanted your ass, he wasn’t a homewrecker. So he did the next best thing and became your best friend.”

“Clare, your not….”

“Dad I wouldn’t ever play with someone’s feelings about love.”

“Another reason why I bring this up because I know you hate surprises. Colin called yesterday while you were napping with Brad and wanted to know if he and the misses can come out and see how Brad’s doing. I explain that you and him were napping and he went “Ooh…” like you were doing something ‘naughty’. Shocked I said, they’re only just sleeping Uncle Colin. He was disappointed because he went on to explain that Brad had a man crush on you and that he’s never acted on it. He said maybe he would try to kick this relationship in the butt. I figured it would be best to get you up to speed then to keep you in the dark.”

I’m quiet for a moment. Letting everything sink in for a moment. 

So Brad doesn’t have a clue either what Colin’s plan is?”

“No. I know Colin well enough that once he gets something in his mind to pursue, he will, no matter how shy he is. This is not a good time for Colin to do this. I tried tell him that Brad needs to just focus on his treatments and worry about relationship after chemo is over. And he proceed to tell me that Brad needs this distraction, blah, blah, blah. I didn’t tell him about the panic attacks he has during the treatments or any of that sort.”

I start to formulate a plan. “When he calls, I tell Colin that they can’t come until a week after his last chemo treatment as long as it’s okay with Brad. If Brad says that it’s okay, then I will confront the elephant in the room. Allowing for a week, it will give me a few days after he stops feeling horrible for me to talk to him. If anything, give him a heads up about it. 

Colin called he next day and I told him I would have to call him back about coming out here since Brad was sleeping at the time. As long as Brad was okay with Colin and Deb coming to see us I was going to allow it to happen. I would just have to give Brad a heads up as to why they were coming out and hope he was okay with it all.

Brad and I, like usual, were laying together on the oversized lounger in the backyard. I told him that Colin had called why he was sleeping and wanted to visit. Brad didn’t seem to mind but wanted to wait until a week from Monday, since next week is his last week of treatment. By Monday, he should be at least not puking any more. I then call Colin on speaker phone and he, Brad and I talk for a bit and make plans for Coin and Deb to come on that Monday. Making arrangements was the easy part, now I had to casually ask Brad how he truly felt about me. The worse thing you could do to Brad was embarrass him. He already felt horrible enough about having the panic attacks at the chemo office. He didn’t need Colin asking him, with me right there, if he’s fucked me or not. Brad has enough insecurities at the moment. The last thing he needed was Colin making him embarrassed and scared to face me.


	9. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dance has finally concluded and the boys make their move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a small sex scene at the end of the chapter. It's not graphic but its there.

Once his stomach calmed after his last treatment, I decided to “confront” Brad regarding his feelings. I was somewhat excited because I thought a lot about taking our relationship to the next level. We’ve seen each other naked more times than I can count. I’ve even helped bathed him when he could barely stand due to how weak he was from the chemo treatment. We have seen and been with each other at each others’ worse. I just felt that it wasn’t right of Colin to blindsided him.  
~*~  
I will admit I got played by my own daughter with Colin’s help. Let me explain:

Clare knew, as Colin, Deb, and I’m sure the rest of Whose Line cast and even crew that Brad and I had fallen in love during the last five years. When I look back, I realized it was obvious that we were pining for each other. The only thing holding us back was fear of the relationship not working and ruining our friendship of over 30 years. Even with Brad’s cancer I was scared to approach him because I thought he would just say your only acting on it because he could die. But when Clare said Colin wanted to confront the elephant in the room, I knew, as well as she did, I had to act and find out how Brad truly felt.

What Clare left out was that she, with the help of her Uncle Colin planned this. She asked Colin if it was alright if she told me that he was going to confront Brad on what his feelings were about me when we all were together. So my own daughter set me up. I will admit that if she hadn’t, we still be dancing around one another.  
~*~

Fast forward to the Saturday before Monday that Colin and Deb was going to arrive. Clare left the house for the day, leaving us men alone. I remember being so anxious. I just wanted to get the question out and hope it led to something wonderful.

As normal, it was raining in Washington. Brad and I were sitting under the canopy in the backyard, enjoying our coffee, in the oversize lounger. I wanted to bring the subject regarding our relationship status to him but nervous about how to go about it. I was almost tempted just to come out and kiss him when he nudged me and spoke, “You know Colin is going ask us if we’re a couple yet? You wanna try it out?” I tuned and looked at him, not sure of what I just heard and stared at him for a moment. I couldn’t come up with a cocky response so I did the next best thing and started making out with him. I knew that Brad’s health was still precarious, so we couldn’t start stripping clothes off while outside so I grabbed his hand and led him back into the house so we could continue our make out session. We proceeded to put our coffees down and walked hand in hand into my bedroom where we got undress and under the covers. We continue our make out session in bed. 

“I’m nervous. I’m not sure what to do,” I softly told him

“We’ll take it slow. Only doing what we’re comfortable with,” he whispered back.

As we kissed one another we would touch one another sensuously, getting to the point of no return. He then proceed to push me on my back, and him straddling me. Both of us were extremely close to cumming when he proceed to rub our dicks together. 

“Just feel, Ry. Jus feel,” Brad said.

It wasn’t long before I came and Brad followed right behind me. Once he caught his breath he got a washcloth, cleaned both of us up, got back into bed and held me. 

“We sleep now, and figure out our next step later,” and I promptly fell asleep, wrapped in Brad’s arms.

After we woke up from our improntu nap, Brad and I talked about what we wanted in our relationship. We didn’t want to hide our relationship. If someone had a problem with it, oh well. Work wasn’t a priority anymore. If Dan or anyone had issues, oh well. Our relationship was more important than pretty much anything


	10. Mochries' Have Arrived

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colin and Deb arrive and the five of them catch up

Clare picked Colin and Deb from the airport that Monday while I stayed home with Brad was taking his afternoon nap, as it would be awhile before Brad’s strength was back. While Brad was sleeping, the four of us, sat in the backyard to catch up.

“How is Brad doing, Ryan?” Deb asks as we sit down.

“He’s doing as well as expected. He has good days and bad days. He’s lost a lot of weight and tires easily, henceforth the nap he takes every afternoon.

“At least therapy is done,” Clare chimes in. “He can start gaining some of that weight back. 

“Yes,” I state. He’ll find out next week if he’s cancer free. For now we’re just enjoying life not having to worry about going to chemotherapy.”

“So, what’s your thought about him returning to the road?” Colin inquires.

“I doubt that he’ll return any time soon,” Clare says.

“I agree,” Colin stated. “When he first learned he had cancer all he talked about was getting back on the road. As time progressed, he started talking about traveling to the different places he saw on television.”

“He keeps having me watch these documentaries with him,” I say. “I’m thinking he’s trying to con me into going with him.”

Let me state that I did see out of the corner of my eye that Colin and Deb smiled at each other before Colin spoke.

“You should go,” Colin says. There’s nothing holding you back here. Clare living here so she can watch the house, which gives you no reason why not to go. Or are you going to let your fear of flying win?” Colin said with a smile.

Brad joined the conversation. Both Colin and Deb stand up to give Brad a hug, shocked at the amount of weight he has lost.

“Wow! You have lost a lot of weight,” Deb exclaimed.

“Yeah. I haven’t eaten much of anything but Ramen Noodles and Mountain Dew in the last two months. It was the only thing that tasted good going back up as it went down. I treated myself to McDonald’s french fries on the weekend once my stomach settled. Hopefully I’ll put back some of the weight now that chemo is over.

Let me pause here for a moment. Clare knew that we were a couple when she came home that evening we decided to go for it by kissing in front of her. Her reaction: squealed like a teenager, whenever she was super happy or excited. 

We also wanted to surprise Deb and Colin about our new revelation as well. We just figured that instead of planning it, we do what we do best: Improvise!

The conversation continued as Brad sat next to me.

Deb that asked. “Now that treatment is over, what’s next, Brad?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I know Colin and I have discussed about getting back on the road but in all honesty I’m not ready to do that yet. I think traveling around the world and doing what I want. I’ve watched so many documentaries on various countries that I would like to go see them all. Also, kinda of lounging around, not on any schedule is fun too.”

Brad looked at me and smiled.

“See I told you semi-retiring is fun,” I state, smiling right back at Brad. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Colin and Deb’s wide eye expression their faces. The temptation was hard not to hold his hand right there.

“Ryan,” Deb starts once she picks up her jaw from the ground, “How’s Upfront?”

“Good. Haven’t really worried about the theatre much with Brad being sick and whatnot. But it’s still open and they’re having fun there; so it’s all good.

“I’ve got an idea. We should do a retirement tour,” Colin started. “Get all of us from the show and go on a one last, huge tour. Dan can film it and use it for a bunch of shows.”

“I would definitely be in for that. Then retire and live out my days here in beautiful Bellingham,” Brad says. We look at each other and smile. I turn my head back to the conversation and I don’t think that Colin or Deb caught us looking at each other that time. They were engrossed with Clare talking about something that I didn’t quite catch. 

As time drifted on, we all suddenly realized we were hungry as it was dinner time. So we decided to go to a restaurant that one of Clare’s co-workers suggested. It was a delicious meal. Brad just bummed off of my plate since his appetite hadn’t quite returned yet. We then went down to the pier and watched the ships sail and talked some more.

Colin and Deb were leaving early the next morning and were staying in a hotel room so if we were going to let them in on our secret we have to do it soon. Brad was getting more and more tired and it wasn’t fair to him to keep him awake more than he had to be. 

We were sitting on a bench facing the water. Brad was slump against me, his head on my shoulder sound asleep. It was Deb that spoke up, noticing that Brad was sleeping. “We’ll have to meet up again when Brad is feeling better. I’m sure the chemo has taken a lot out of him.

“Yeah. It has.” I wanted to give him a kiss on the cheek but hesitated.

“You know Ryan, you are allowed to kiss your boyfriend,” Deb said.  
We were all gobsmacked. “Deb…,” Colin started but was interrupted 

“Colin, really? As smart as you are and observant you haven’t noticed all the smiles they have given one another? Don’t think I didn’t see any of that this afternoon when we talked and at dinner, boys. Also, the hand holding under the table either. I must admit that it took a bit because I know you’re right handed (pointing to me) and he’s left handed (pointing to Brad) but not once while we ate did I see your other hands. Also, in the 30 plus years I have known you, Ryan, I have never seen you share your food. Colin has told me stories about how he tried to steal from you and you would get upset.”

By the look on his face, Colin obviously hadn’t been paying too much attention. 

“We’ve just started this journey so it’s all new to us,” I say. “I love Brad and he loves me, but we need to take this slow, at our own speed because our friendship is the most important thing to us and we don’t want to lose that.” 

“I don’t know if he’ll want to return to the road with you Colin. Not that he’s doesn’t love improv, but after all he’s gone through I believe he has realized that he wants to do so much more in life.”

“I agree,” Colin says. “After Seana died it was a year before he was ready to handle the rigors of the road and even then he was sad. He came back to touring not because he wanted to per se, but it was something that was familiar to him and he needed that. He used to call Seana after every show and at the beginning would go and pick up his phone and then remember she wouldn’t pick up the phone.”

“I know. Seana made sure to tell Pat and I everything and anything that we needed to know about Brad. She even made me keep her phone number so that if he did call he’d hear a familiar voice.”

“Seana was the sweetest person who took care of Brad as much as he took care of her. I feel for both of you; I don’t know how I would handle losing Deb. Brad needs stability; knowing that someone is there for him and will stay by his side. You’ve done that for years. He’d always tell me when we’d start on the road what you and him would do and he’d smiled the biggest smile about whatever you and him did while together. It didn’t matter if you guys were at your house watching golf. He was there, in the same room as you and that’s what mattered.”

There was a pause and then Colin continued.

“I’ll get with you and Brad later to pitch the idea of one last grand tour to Dan when Brad’s stronger. We’re all getting up there in age and I hate to say that it’s becoming harder and harder to get up in the morning and keep doing what were doing. It would be nice that to do a theatre show that’s more than Brad and me. In all fairness, in the months we haven’t toured, Deb and I have travelled and I must admit I liked being on my own time. Also, when we’re not traveling, sleeping in my own bed.”

“Give him some time to recover. I’ve promised him we would go to Greeland, Iceland and over into Sweden, Norway, Finland once he’s up to it. You know if I’m going to die in mid-air I’d be with him so it wouldn’t be the worse thing in the world.”

“Wow Ryan, I thought I’d never hear that from you. That you’d purposely get on a plane.”

“Well, he wants to see the world,” I give Brad a kiss on the cheek, as he sleeps through it. “The chemo should have done the trick and we’ll know next week. As long as all is well we’ll probably be leaving in the next month or so. It’s just a matter of time when he gets his strength back. I want him to be able to enjoy it, not sleeping through it.”

“Seriously, Greenland and Iceland?” Deb asks.

“He’d like to visit all the countries in Europe. We just may do that. What ever he wants to do, we’ll do,” I tell her.

Brad suddenly shifts positions and wraps his arms around me, hugging me tightly. “Hey, you’re okay,” I tell him and he releases the hold but still keeps me in a hug. “Once a week or so, he’s been having night terror about treatments, with one dream being told he was dying, which has shaken him to his core. Last week, he had a terrible night terror. He woke up screaming and it took both Clare and I fifteen minutes to get him calm down enough to recognize that it was us and it was all a dream.”

“You should get him home. I’m sure sleeping on a park bench is not the most comfortable spot to sleep in,” Deb says.

“Yeah, I’m sorry to cut the evening short, but….”

“No need to apologize, Ryan. For heaven sakes he just got done with two months of chemo that practically left him skin and bones,” Colin says. “When come back soon, when he’s feeling better and we can go out on the boat and fish.”

“Sounds like a plan,” I say and with that Colin and I get Brad awake enough to walk back to the car so that we can drop the Mochries’ off at the hotel, go home and with Clare’s help get Brad into bed.


	11. So How Did Our Lives Turn Out?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wrapping up the storyline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that Clare gets pregnant by unusual means and I don't have an opinion either way about a person getting pregnant in the way Clare did. Remember, this is fiction and not reality.

So how did our lives turn out?

We lived until we were old and gray. 

Brad’s cancer went into remission and never returned, thankfully. He and I took six months and travelled through Greenland, Iceland and Europe and had a blast. Anything that he wanted to do, we did. We didn’t follow any sort of scheduled, travel when we wanted, got up or went to bed when we wanted. We made love when we wanted to, snuggled together or just slept. It was nice not being dictated by contact commitments.Our relationship grew and I couldn’t have been happier.

After traveling through Europe, Brad told me that he didn’t want to go out on the road without me. I was too important not to be with everyday. That’s when I brought up Colin’s idea about doing one final tour with everyone from Whose Line. Colin and Deb came back about eight months later, spending a month or so working on this idea. We presented it to Dan and he thought that it was a lovely idea. So we started in England, and also toured Canada and United States. It took about a year to do since we only did a maximum of three shows per week. Anyone and everyone who was improviser or musician on the show was welcomed and we had a blast. Everyone was accepting of Brad’s and mine relationship as well, which was good.

We’ve just returned home after being on the road for so long. Yes, Clare still lives at home. She just never found the man of her dreams. She has great friends, both guys and girls, but no one gave her that spark. So one day we’re sitting outside watching the world go by when she states that she wants to have a kid. 

“Really?”

“Yeah. I would like to have one kid. I know it’s selfish, but it’s nice to have a mimi-me.”

Brad’s eyes well up. He tends to get a bit over emotional on things out of the blue. Clare loves Brad and is very protective of him. She goes up to him and gives him a hug and asks him what’s wrong. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cry. I just can understand the need to have a person that has a bit of you in them.”

Brad and I see the wheels spinning in her head and it’s Brad speaking first. “No, Clare I don’t mean for me to father your child.”

“But why not? I know you, think your handsome, if not sexy, and smart.”

“Thank you but I’m close to 60, had cancer, and most of all I’m totally, obsessively in love with your father.”

“So? If Dad doesn’t mind….

I start to laugh. At least it broke the tension. “Hey, at least she has good taste, sweetheart.” Sweetheart is my nickname for Brad. Unlike Brad, I’ve had time to think about this. Clare and I have had a lot of discussion about her having a child and how she would go about it and yes she brought up the topic of having Brad as the father of her child. I’m not oppose to it. Granted, it’s not the normal route to have a kid but I know that kid would be loved and well taken care of. It’s up to Brad, but I truly believe he should do it. He’s always wanted his legacy to live on. 

So Brad now has two lovers that love and care about him.

While she did have pre-natal care she wanted an unassisted home birth with only Brad and I present. She knew how unorthodox the method of having this child was and explaining that her father’s gay lover was the father of her child wasn’t something she wanted to deal with. Bradleigh Ryan was born on February 14 at 2:14 a.m. How fitting.

Hoping we live a long time to watch Bradleigh grow up . Talk to you later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading the story. Hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
